Write twenty-five different statements about twenty-five different people without saying who each statement is written about. They can either be things that you wish you could say, things that you wish you could have said, or things that you would never say.
1. i know you're afraid of change, and that's why you've been more distant lately. i know you're wondering, "where did my best friend go? where's the emo girl with the multiple bracelets and studs and skulls? where's the girl who would never get caught dancing in public, who never listened to hip-hop or r&b, and who always needed my help?" sometimes, i wonder where the old me went, too. but i promise, our friendship is something you'll never have to question. ever.
2. even though i don't really have much to do with the fandom anymore, i still totally miss you and cait!face and our long, pointless conversations. i also miss how you always seemed to know how to make me feel better whenever i was in an artistic rut. i was always in awe of you and your art and your writing, and the fact that you could look at mine and find some value in it really meant a lot to me. you have no freaking idea.
3. sometimes i wonder what would have happened to us if you ever had the guts to ask me out. i hear you're pretty anti-social these days and that makes me sad. i hope one day, you'll find a girl who'll take the extra effort to get to know you. i'm sure she won't be disappointed.
4. i miss you! one of us needs to find a way to visit the other ASAP or i swear i'm going to explode.
5. it didn't occur to me until just recently how much i've changed over the past few years, and i guess i have you to thank for that. i've told you this before. my life has always been about art and literature and philosophies and all that jazz, and of course i love them. they're who i am. they're how the world sees me. and i won't lie, i like being seen as the cool indie girl, the one who's kind of aloof, but who's probably a really interesting person once you get to know her. but there's also that part of me who always wanted to be someone else, who wanted to be more outgoing, more sociable, less constricted by the stereotypes people put on her. and little by little, i'm starting to see those changes in myself. i also told you that i was afraid of losing my "weird" factor because it meant i was becoming less "me," but to be honest, now, i think i'm more myself than i've ever been in my entire life. thank you.
6. i'm still sorry for what happened between us, and i think our dating is the one thing i will allow myself to regret. i lost a great friend because of it. i miss being able to stay after school with you and talk about nothing. i miss singing along to you strumming along on your guitar. i miss being able to run up and hug you whenever i felt like it. most of all, i miss how you would always listen and how you would make me feel like, at least for that moment, talking to me and hearing what i had to say was the most important thing in the world. i didn't realize how lucky i was.
7. i've never met you, but i can honestly say i despise you. i'm slowly getting over it, and it feels good to let myself let go. i even deleted his passwords off my computer to promise myself to start trusting him again, or at least to start building back that trust. and i know i really shouldn't blame you or even be that mad, since we were broken up at the time and you're just a kid. but i guess, the fact that he needed to be with you, and the fact that it was you--a girl he has a lot more in common with than me, a girl he can easily associate his passion with, and a girl he never has to see beyond your little adventures--it kills me. and i don't think i've ever felt this bad.
8. i hate you for breaking down on me, especially now that i have to take a day-long bus ride with my mom. i swear i can't wait for my birthday so i can replace you. piece of junk.
9. i'm really sorry for what's going on in your family right now, and i hope you all pull through. you've been there for me forever, even when i sort of pushed you away in favor of someone else. but now it's my turn to do the same for you. call me whenever you need anything or if you just want me to come over or make you food or cheer you up. i don't know if will and edwin have enough estrogen to handle cheering someone up; sometimes, you need a girl for those sorts of things. so yeah, just let me know. i'll be right here waiting.
10. your chapter in my life seems so far away from me right now. i'm finding it so hard to remember anything, maybe because the both of us have changed so much since then. we used to be the same kind of person: smart, angry, sarcastic, but now i see you're happier and i'm less angry and i won't just be a shadow of your editorship year, which makes me feel better. you were an amazing writer and a great influence on my life and my view of oxford in general. but i still think it's funny how i started hyperventilating when you visited. i felt so lame. haha.
11. your reign has ended, bitchhhhhh. time to show oxford what the gamut can really do. >D
12. quit mocking me from the bottom of my desk drawer. i'll get around to you eventually. besides, i've got a month left. that's plenty of time.
13. out of everyone in my family, i think you're the one i care about most, and i'm so sorry that you've had to deal with all our parents' shit throughout the years. you are not just my shadow, you are not just brandon's shadow; you're you. and i wish you would only realize it. doing well in school, blahhh, who cares? you're a good person, and the friendships and people skills you gain are going to be what carries you. don't end up pissy and alone like our parents. you'll be much happier. i promise you.
14. why do You have to go and let things like this happen? i know it's a part of life and i really shouldn't question You, but really, this all kind of sucks.
15. ...i do. i will. i always have. i was willing to spend the rest of my life (or at least my time at oxford) being miserable just so i could be with you. i'm not sure you realize how hard it's been pretending, trying to convince myself i didn't care, seeing sides of you i hoped i'd never see, that i didn't even know existed. back then, i knew you would never hurt me. i could feel it. when you did... i don't know. i wasn't sure if i could believe anything anymore. and you expect me to believe that after a week away, you've finally come to this conclusion? i want to, you know i do. but after prom and everything that's happened, all those times you've said these words and never meant them, and that situation with her, part of me wonders if you even know the meaning anymore.
i'm not asking for a lot, but baby, i need to see it, feel it. words just won't cut it.
...more later, maybe.
